Advice To A Young Married Couple

Question: “Since our wedding five months ago, my husband seems to have gained several pounds. I’m worried that I’ll lose attraction toward him, isn’t that shallow?”

Answer: Oh how I can relate! The weight gain you described is a common side effect of marriage. When my wife first looked into the refrigerator of my place, several months before we were married, all she could find was half a jar of peanut butter, three potatoes, and yes you guessed it, some stale bread! It was no wonder that I was so thin.

After several months of eating three great meals a day I began to fill out. I wasn’t fat or out off shape, I had just put on about ten pounds. I have seen this same phenomenon in the majority of men that I know. A change of lifestyle and the aging process take its toll on all of us, male and female alike.

You mentioned, “I’m worried that I’ll lose attraction toward him.” I have heard the same thing from men about their wives. “Since the pregnancy and birth of our baby, she’s not the same.” As I mentioned earlier, life has a way of changing the outside appearance of us all.

Let me ask you a question. What is it that you love about your husband that goes beyond the exterior? Is he a man of integrity? Is he loving, kind and gentle with you? Do you feel safe and protected in his arms? Is he a good provider? Do you enjoy emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy together? If you were able to answer yes to half of these questions you have an extraordinary husband.

As the two of you build your lives together, you will both experience some unwanted external changes. Hair loss, weight gain, age spots and a few wrinkles along the way, all a natural part of life. However, these external changes do not determine who we really are. Who you are inside is the real you. That is who you fell in love with. If the real you begins to diminish, then you would both have genuine reason for concern.

George Stahnke
gms@renewalcs.org

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